another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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