did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
