Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
