haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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