how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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