I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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