Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
