Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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