it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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