I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
