is your mom at the bar?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
