Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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