bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
