My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
