I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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