Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
