my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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