Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
