Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
