Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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