Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
