well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
