Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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