can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
