Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
