Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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