How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am puke
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
