Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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