Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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