Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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