That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
