I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
