the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
