I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
