i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
