Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
