Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
