I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
