If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
