it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
