just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
