i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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