but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
