Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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