haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
