i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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