just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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