What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
