i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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