remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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