I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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